The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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