just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
