So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
