i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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