apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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