just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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