i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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