You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
