she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
