She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
