I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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