I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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