I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
