oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
