I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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