His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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