do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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