I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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