FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
