Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
