Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
