he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
