I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
BRING THE BAGELS
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
