I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
