he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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