sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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