Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize