i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
