There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its liver damage thursday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
