Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
