so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
