So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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