What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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