The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
