I puked a lego.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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