last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
