Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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