my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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