And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
