i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
