Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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