worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
