I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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