The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
