If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
