She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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