Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
