My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
