you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
