he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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