i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
