I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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