we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
