i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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