I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
