shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
