I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i think my cat just said my name.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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