Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
