im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
