I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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