Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
