suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
