so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
