PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
In America we eat man semen.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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