I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
