Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
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is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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